(Sung to Gilligan's Island Theme)

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale of Bilbo's magic Ring.
That started in the Shire, before there was a king.
Bilbo Baggins went away and Frodo got the One.
Gandalf came from wandering and told Frodo to run.
(and told Frodo to run.)

[lightning crash]

The Nazgul started getting rough and Frodo had to flee.
With Samwise and a couple friends they winded up in Bree.
(they winded up in Bree.)
They finally got to Rivendell
And took up the Great Quest.
With Aragorn, and Gandalf too.
Legolas and Gimli.
Boromir,
Meriadoc and Peregrin:
The Fellowship of the Ring.

Narrator: Sean Connery (or is it just a look alike?)

"Merry and Pippin are captured by the orcs and taken on the way to Isengard."

(Orcs sing)

On The Road Again

Meanwhile Aragorn,Gimli and Legolas put Boromir in one of the elvenboats and sends him on his last journey while singing in his memory:

The Song of Boromir (Under the Bridge)

Sometimes I feel
like we don't have a Friend
Sometimes I feel
we're not far from the end
The city we live in
The city of might
Far as I have been
seen no one as white

I walk on her streets
Cause she is my big love
I hear sound of feets
from the streets far above
We'll fight to save her
The City with White-glow
But things might occur
that we can not know

I don't ever want to feel
like I did that day
I didn't want to steal
but tried to take the ring away

It was hard to believe
that orcs could be out there
It was hard to believe
Until i saw their stare
I fought to save their lives
Meriadoc and Peregrin
But hurt by arrows and knife
Died guilty of sin

I don't ever want to feel
like I did that day
I didn't want to steal
but tried to take the ring away

Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas they try to follow the Orcs to rescue Merry and Pippin but instead they meet Gandalf who now is clad fully in White and sings:

A Whiter Shade of Pale

While all off this has happened Sam and Frodo have begun their journey to Mordor singing:

Just the Two of Us

But then they hear someone singing:

"I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?!"

It turns out to be Gollum!
They take him along on their journey...

Gandalf & Co. have now joined forces with Theoden King of Rohan, and his men, they fight Mordors orcs at Helms Deep.
***During the long night of the siege, Theoden sings:

Rohan, Rohan, Rohan,
The country where I want to be...
Eating outside or inside,
Or in the hall Edoras...

Rohan, Rohan, Rohan,
Rohan kicks Gondor's ass.

You're so sadly neglected,
And often ignored,
Still willing to help out
A foreign overlord...
Rohan, Rohan, Rohan,
The country where I want to be,
Your prairies so lovely,
Your horses so swift...
Rohan, Rohan, Rohan,
Getting Saruman all miffed...

You're so far from Caradhras,
And distant Harad,
Quite a long way from Mirkwood
Lots of miles to Mordor (that's bad)

Rohan, Rohan, Rohan,
The country where I'd quite like to be,
Your prairies so lovely,
Your people so tall...
Rohan, Rohan, Rohan,
Rohan's not really that small...

The battle recommences in the morning
*** but it's not going too well until Aragorn spots a white horse man far away:

"That rider's unprotected!"
BOMP!
"He's misdirected!"
BOMP!
"Why, he's RESURRECTED! It's the White Rider!"
Gimli and Legolas: "The White Rider?"
Aragorn:
"Go, White Rider, you're burning through the Orcish lines!"
G & L : "White Rider, go White Rider!"
"Go, White Rider, you're breakin' up their worst designs!"
"White Rider, go White Rider!"
"You are supreme!"
BOMP BOMP
"Those Orcs'll scream!"
BOMP BOMP
"'The White Rider!'"
BOMP BOMP BOMP BOMBOMBOMBOMBOMBOMBOMBOM…

They win the Battle and go on to Isengard were they see a strange sight:

The Ents have destroyed all of Isengard and locked Saruman up in Orthanc. Galdalf asks what's happened. The Ents answer with a song: (sung to the melody of Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm by Crash Test Dummies)

Once there was a wizard
who got into an accident, oh, it was so cruel
But when he finally came back
his clothes had turned from grey into bright white
He said that it was from when
the balrog smashed so hard

Mmmm mmmm mmmm mmmm
mmmm mmmm mmmm mmmm

Once there was a wizard
who no one really knew anything about
But when they finally saw him
He had brown clothes all over his body
He couldn't quite explain it
They'd always just been there

Mmmm mmmm mmmm mmmm
mmmm mmmm mmmm mmmm

But both wizards were glad
cause one wizard had it worse than that

Cause then there was this wizard
who wore multi-colours and looked like a fool
And he cut down the trees
'Til the Ents took him and looked him away
And there he's gonna stay now
Until the end of time is here.

Mmmm mmmm mmmm mmmm
mmmm mmmm mmmm mmmm

Meanwhile Frodo, Sam and Gollum come to Minas Morgul just as the Nazguls and Orcs depart for the war singing:

Nazgul Wraiths
(Sung to Monty Python’s Knights of the Round Table)

We’re the Nazgul wraiths in sable
We dance whenever we’re able.
We do routines in Battle Scenes
With swordplay impecc-able.

We’ll fight at Minas Tirith
We’re the Nazgul you all feareth.

[nifty little sword fight á la Phantom Menace]

We’re the Nazgul wraiths in sable
Our blows are formid-able
And many times we’ll act like mimes
We’ll dance around a table

Entertain in Minas Tirith
So the orcses all can cheereth

[tap-dancing routine]

We’re sung about in fable
We’re all indefeat-able
We’ll find the Ring and then we’ll sing
All on a tight timetable.

We’ll conquer Minas Tirith…
This song’s not quite Shakespeareth.

[Fanfare and flourish]

Frodo and Sam continue towards Mt. Doom...

Part III is coming...

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