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Tolkimpossibility/Tolpossibility
by Angelo Mao
1) Galadriel decides to flirt with Gandalf after decided she liked pulling his beard.
2) Gollum goes up to Shelob--Shelob bats her eyelashes--and Gollum says: "My preciousssssssss!"
3) Eowyn, at the climax, swings her sword with all her might, and the sword breaks in two upon the Nazgul's neck; Eowyn snaps, "Damn those smithies," and strangles the Nazgul before the shocked Merry (who had his sword raised and prepared) and the shocked rider.
4) When Gandalf pays Saruman a call in Orthanc, they heard 60's music playing at full, and Saruman comes out in a TI-Dye shirt and pants, with sunglasses on, and says with a slur: "Wassup?"
5) When arriving upon the Grey Havens, the hobbits meet those height checks at roller-coaster rides, and Frodo is left behind because he is too short.
6) The balrog arrives in batmobile when approaching Gandalf.
7) When the fellowship is inside Moria, they don't hear drums, but rock music.
8) When Gandalf approaches the Mouth of Sauron, he trips on his robe, sprawling before the Mouth of Sauron, who rushes up apologetically and lifts Gandalf up, saying with an accent common of a butler, "Oh, I hope you are alright?"
9) When Varda made the stars, she made them according to the images Manwe wanted. One image was of Brittney Spears, which Varda omitted.
10) The One Ring verse when Tolkien was bored:
Three Rings for hogs and boars in the pigsty,
Seven for blind moles who live in Styrofoam,
Nine for whoever cares, just give me hobbit pie,
One for the horses on the field, the ugly roan,
One thing to get them all,
and do something to them.
I do not care at all,
Just get this poem done with.
And send it off to the publisher and have it then rejected.
