[an error occurred while processing this directive]
...
Top 10 Headlines from the Middle-earth edition of Maxim Magazine
by Idril Celebrindal
Our top cover babe and girlfriend of the year is Arwen ... love that mithril bikini!
10. It came from Third Grade: 101 Ent tricks (#67 -- carve your girlfriend's initials on his trunk)
9. Sex! Sex! Sex! Is that all you Hobbits ever think about?
8. 30 Worst Lays of Beleriand (They aren't the ones the minstrel told you about!)
7. Instant Istari: Earn your wizard's staff in 30 minutes flat
6. Maximwear: Hard-core elven cloaks, the best chainmail styles for under 100 gold pieces, and the only armor suit you'll ever need to buy.
5. Orc stalking: Chicks dig it! Elladan and Elrohir share their secrets for making your next orc-hunting party a success on and off the field.
4. Her Wildest Dreams! Sure, she wants to have sex with you ... but did you ever dream she would want to do it in the Hall of Fire, the Cracks of Doom -- or with an orc?
3. How to sleep out in a snowstorm. Because only wusses carry wood, tents, and snow equipment onto Caradhras.
2. Would YOU use the Black Breath on your date? Why the Ringwraiths are chick magnets!
and the number one headline in the Middle Earth edition of Maxim magazine is:
1. Oh, Arwen! We do Whatever It Takes to get Arwen to spill her guts about thigh-high garters, Dunedain finger-sucking, and, um, swordfighting!
