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Middle-earth Conspiracy Theories
by Burma, Aelric, and Kyriel

1. Aerial photos of the Pelori reveal a human face proving that not only did the Numenorian Fleet make it intact but that Eru loves humans more than Elves.
2. Finwe's divorce from Miriel wasn't final when he married Indis.
3. Radagast was a patsy.
4. Grima was a patsy. Forensic evidence proves a second hobbit fired from Bag End. Lobilia signaled the second hobbit by opening her umbrella a moment earlier.
5. Isuldur set Gil-Galad up.
6. Celeborn was really the brains of the whole operation. Galadrial was a patsy.

But what about the grassy knoll? —Magrat
The un-grassy knoll...Weathertop! --Wonderbroad
That’s where Morgoth was all along. --burma

Mirvuor...liquid Peyote? You decide: Sentient Mountains, the Watcher in the Water, the Balrog. Hallucinations?......

  1. Smeagol was set up. Sam was the real villain, taking advantage of Frodo’s weakened and confused state to make him THINK it was Gollum who kept trying to kill him. In fact, it was Sam’s plan all along to take the Ring to Mount Doom, where it would be most powerful, and then claim it for himself. Gollum foiled this plan by grabbing the Ring away from him and selflessly casting himself into the fire.
  2. Gimli was really female (you can never tell with Dwarves) and carried on a secret, passionate love affair with Legolas.
  3. Saruman was set up. Gandalf was the real villain all along, manipulating everyone around him into attacking the sole voice of reason on the White Council and then paying Treebeard to put him out of business.
  4. Turin wasn’t really doomed by fate; he was just a sociopathic serial killer.


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